if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
