I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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