I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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