Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
