So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
