New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
