just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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