Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize