I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
