yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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