And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
