I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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