Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
