yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
