I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
