I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
