I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
