he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
