sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
