Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
