the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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