I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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