he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
