I didn't shave. On purpose
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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