how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
