Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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