Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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