I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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