When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
