Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
