I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
