Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
