dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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