so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mom said you looked used
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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