i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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