i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
