Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
