I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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