i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
