and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't turn off my feet"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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