he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
