NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
