I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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