She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
