who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
