I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
