this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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