It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
