i can't believe i had my finger in that
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
