Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
