I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
