I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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