had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
