Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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