do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
