Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
