Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She told me I should be a condom model.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
