Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
