I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can Purell be used as lube?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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