Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
