Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
