its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
