what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
