Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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