my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if only i could text you this smell
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
