just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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