I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
