I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
