I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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